I have found out over the last couple days that I am not only sarcastic, I am in fact, EVIL. Apparently, I am purposely causing guests at the hotel great discomfort and ruining vacations. Now, I am very sorry that I am doing this with complete malice and intent. I have no excuse for what I have done and I feel that part of my repentance should be to publicly tell you about the evilness that I have wrought.
A guest attempted to check in last week. He had a reservation and a credit card but his ID was his employee badge from Phoenix where he is a bus driver.
Me: Sir, I can’t accept that as a valid form of identification. I need a passport or driver’s license. Something state issued?
Guest: but this has my picture on it.
Me: We can’t accept this. I see you are a bus driver, can I see your driver’s license?
Guest: I don’t have it with me, this is all I have. You took my payment without a license.
Me: Yes, we took a deposit before you arrive, that is standard procedure but now we need proof of ID and your credit card in person.
Guest: Well no one told me that when I booked.
Me: Did you mention that you did not have a driver’s license?
Guest: No, I do have a license. I just don’t have it now because I won’t be driving.
Me: Sir, I am not sure what to tell you. I can’t check you in without an ID.
Guest: Well thanks for ruining my vacation. I won’t stay here again.
(see what I mean, pure evil. I just destroyed this man’s dreams)
Two women checked in. They had booked an Emerald room (btw those looking for secrets to where I work by looking at room types and things like that… I make that stuff up to hide my location… again, I am EVIL). I checked them into their room and gave them two keys. I made sure that they knew exactly which way to go to get to the elevator. I then hatched my plan. I flipped the entire hotel and casino so that the elevators were now on the opposite side of the building. Pure genius, ultimate EVIL. Now that they were completely confused and lost. They returned to the front desk. As they approached, I flipped the entire building back so I could give them the same directions. This time they found the room. Of course, I was not done yet. They came down almost immediately.
Guest: You gave me the wrong room. I booked an Emerald room.
Me: Ma’am, you are in an Emerald room.
Guest: No, you downgraded me. This is not what I saw online. This is not what I wanted and you need to fix it.
(so we have a book of room types at the front desk and I show the guest the picture)
Guest: That is wrong. That is not the room I booked. I booked this room (pointing to a different picture).
Me: (now I have to think fast because she is on to me. I spent the last hour, remaking our room type book just to screw her over. What do I do?) I am sorry ma’am but that is a Ruby room. We have them available but it will be a $20 upgrade per night.
Guest: Oh so that is the scam. You downgrade us and then charge us to get the room we booked. I am not going to fall for that. You are just going to get a bad review and we will never stay here again.
(they storm off)
Well those are the major ones but I will quickly mention my other discretions.
- I made sure that an airline representative never showed up at the hotel with a guest’s lost luggage because it was supposed to be here at 7pm and it is now 9pm.
- I checked a guest into a room knowing that the room did not have toilet paper.
- I wouldn’t accept casino chips for payment of a resort fee.
- and finally, I refused to check in a guest because they had booked for another hotel. I know that they had a room booked somewhere in Vegas and I should have honored that but I made them leave and go to that hotel.
I am so sorry dear readers for my horrible and heinous behavior. I will try to do better in 2018… and Santa, I really don’t even deserve coal so just skip my house. I am not worthy.
If you disagree and still like me, please follow me on Twitter @VegasHC