The Morning After

Las Vegas is definitely a New Year’s Eve destination. They close down the strip and Fremont Street gets so packed that sardines would be claustrophobic. There are fireworks and the alcohol is flowing non-stop. Talk about a people watching experience. If you haven’t been to Vegas on New Year’s you really need to do it, at least once. Of course, I usually end up working so I get the excited guests wearing party hats and blowing annoying party horns for hours and then I get to the same guests dragging themselves through the lobby attempting to get to their room without throwing up or passing out.

I am amazed every year the punishment that a person puts on their body in the name of celebrating a holiday like New Year’s… I’m looking at you St. Patrick’s Day and your green beer, as well. I know what you are thinking and yes, I have overdone it myself in the past. I’m no prude but you get a little clarity when you see hundreds of hotel guests… the morning after.

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Before we get to the Grand Prize Winner of the “VegasHC – Great start to 2018” award. Let’s take a quick look at the pretenders to the throne.

• The older guy in the wheelchair that passed out in the middle of the casino floor and didn’t get to see midnight. In fact he didn’t get to 9pm.
• The young couple who drove from Montana to celebrate New Year’s without ID and a hotel reservation.
• The middle-aged guy who locked himself out if his room and had to come down to the lobby in his tighty whiteys. Still having nightmares about that one.
• The middle-aged lady who lost her room key and her dignity as I spent about a minute trying to explain to her that her breasts where resting on my workspace because she had suffered a major wardrobe malfunction and didn’t realize it.

and now the winner…

It is 5pm, January 1st and a middle-aged man approaches the desk.

Guest: My keys don’t work in my room and I need to know how much food credit I have.

(he hands me his driver’s license after a bit of a struggle)

Me: Sir, the keys don’t work because you are checked out of the hotel.

Guest: but I am not due to check out until Monday.

Me: Sir, it is Monday. Check out was several hours ago.

Guest: No, yesterday was New Year’s Eve.

Me: Yes sir, yesterday was Sunday and today is January 1st, Monday. Your reservation was for the 29th to the 1st.

Guest: It wasn’t until the 2nd? I thought my reservation was for Tuesday the 1st.

Me: Well there is no Tuesday the 1st. There is Monday the 1st.

Guest: So where is my stuff?

Me: Let me call housekeeping…. Sir, according to housekeeping none of your things were in the room. That is why we checked you out. We figured you left because there was nothing left in the room.

Guest: Ok so you are saying that I am checked out of the hotel and my stuff wasn’t in my room and my reservation was not until Tuesday?

Me: Correct.

Guest: So where is my car?

Me: Where did you leave your car?

Guest: I think I put the car in valet.

Me: Do you have your ticket?

Guest: I should, maybe I parked it myself… (he starts rifling through his wallet). Here it is. (hands it to me)

Me: Sir, this is a valet ticket for a different hotel. This is for Hotel B, this is Hotel A.

Guest: This isn’t Hotel B?

Me: No sir.

Guest: Oh, that explains it. I had 2 different hotel rooms booked with friends. I had the other hotel until Tuesday. So how do I get to Hotel B?

Me: I would suggest a cab out front.

Guest: So, is there anything I can do about my food credit?

Me: You never had a food credit here, sir.

Guest: Oh, that must have been the other hotel. I couldn’t figure out why my friends kept sending me texts asking me where I was. I looked all over the place for them. They kept telling me they were here but I couldn’t find them. Must have been the other place.

(he starts looking around)

Guest: I know I had a backpack with me. It’s gone.

Me: It’s on the floor next to you, sir.

Guest: Oh wow, I must have overdone it last night.

Me: Probably a little bit. Have a good day sir.

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Thanks for all the comments and follows. I still can’t believe the response I continue to get. Over 1000 followers on Twitter (@VegasHC) and even more on Facebook and directly here through wordpresss.com

 

 

 

Listening is a skill…

Not only for a person in customer service but for the customer. I am amazed at the number of times that a guest with a full on rage over an issue just won’t listen. Their problem has an easy solution that is being explained to them and all they want to do is restate the issue and cause a scene. Maybe I am too Zen. Maybe when I have a problem I actually want it fixed and want the solution.

I have been dealing with a company that has overbilled me and when I have called them I have stayed calm and have escalated the situation when I needed to but I figure the less I rant and rave the easier the situation can be handled because the relationship stays cordial. Yes, it took 3 calls and 3 departments but the situation got handled and I am not labelled a difficult customer or someone I refer to as “precious”.

These customers… well aren’t they precious.

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Guest storms up to the counter and throws his room key at me.

Guest: The fucking key doesn’t work and I can’t get into my room. What kind of fucking bullshit hotel is this that doesn’t give their guests working keys.

Me: I apologize sir. Occasionally, we get a bad key in the batch. I will get this fixed right away.

Guest: Yeah, well neither key works, don’t you even know how to do your job.

Me: Sir, let me ask you this. When you tried to use the key did anything light up on the lock?

Guest: The key doesn’t work. What part of that don’t you understand. Get me a new key!

Me: Sir, it is possible that the key is good and the door lock in your room is bad. There is a battery…

Guest: I still don’t have a fucking key. I see you standing there but you are not making me a key.

Me: as I was trying to explain, there is a chance that is isn’t the key but the lock. The lock has a battery and it might need repla…

Guest: How long do I have to stand here before you make me a fucking key?

Me: Sir, I could make you 100 keys but if the battery is dead in the door, nothing is going to work. Did you see anything light up when you used the key.

Guest: More fucking excuses, is that all you people do?

Me: Sir, did anyth…

Guest: No nothing fucking lit up. Now give me a key!

Me: Sir, then it is the door lock and not the key. I will have an engineer come right up and replace the battery so  you can get into your room.

Guest: So, basically I can’t get into my room tonight?

Me: No, an engineer will fix it in the next 10 minutes and you can get into your room.

Guest: So I guess I have to hang around here for the next hour before I can go to bed.

Me: Sir, he will probably be at your door before you get up to your room if you head up now.

Guest: What a fucking joke of a hotel.

(he storms off)

 

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(Young female guest comes up to the desk)

Guest: I am here to check in. I made the reservation through randomwholsale.com.

Me: Ok. just need your ID and credit card.

(she hands me the cards)

Guest: I need a room on the lowest floor, away from the elevator and it has to have a microwave.

Me: Well, I have a room on the 5th floor and it is 10 doors down from the elevator. We do not have microwaves. I hope that is satisfactory.

Guest: Um, I said lowest floor.

Me: Yes, the 5th floor is the lowest available floor.

Guest: So, you are saying your hotel doesn’t have a 2nd or 3rd floor? That is stupid.

Me: No, I am saying that the lowest available room tonight is on the 5th floor. All the other rooms are occupied.

Guest: I find that hard to believe.

(I never know how to answer that statement)

Me: Well, I am sorry, ma’am but that is what I have.

Guest: Well then get me further away from the elevator.

Me: I can move you to the 8th floor and you will be 14 rooms away from the elevator.

Guest: That isn’t a low floor.

Me: Ma’am, it is 11pm and we only have 10 rooms left in the hotel. I can either put you on the 5th floor or the 8th floor. Anything else is either close to the elevator or on an even higher floor.

Guest: Why is this such a difficult request?

Me: As I said, we are almost sold out and there are a limited number or rooms. These two rooms fit your request as best I can.

Guest: Well then I need you to comp me a microwave.

Me: Ma’am, as I said we don’t have microwaves to put up in the rooms.

Guest: So, you don’t have a single microwave in the hotel?

Me: No ma’am.

Guest: So how do you heat up your food.

Me: I don’t heat up my food.

Guest: but there is a microwave in your lunch room?

Me: Yes.

Guest: So you are a liar.

Me: Ma’am, that is an employee microwave. I can’t put one in your room.

Guest: Is it your job to piss off the guests.

Me: No ma’am. Would you like the 5th floor room or the 8th floor.

Guest: Give me the 5th floor even though you have rooms on the 2nd floor.

Me: Here are your keys, ma’am.

Guest: Asshole.

(she walks away)

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Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah and Kwanza to you all. I hope you all have a great holiday season. I will be back with a new post sometime next week.

Twitter: @VegasHC

 

I guess I made the naughty list

I have found out over the last couple days that I am not only sarcastic, I am in fact, EVIL. Apparently, I am purposely causing guests at the hotel great discomfort and ruining vacations. Now, I am very sorry that I am doing this with complete malice and intent. I have no excuse for what I have done and I feel that part of my repentance should be to publicly tell you about the evilness that I have wrought.

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A guest attempted to check in last week. He had a reservation and a credit card but his ID was his employee badge from Phoenix where he is a bus driver.

Me: Sir, I can’t accept that as a valid form of identification. I need a passport or driver’s license. Something state issued?

Guest: but this has my picture on it.

Me: We can’t accept this. I see you are a bus driver, can I see your driver’s license?

Guest: I don’t have it with me, this is all I have. You took my payment without a license.

Me: Yes, we took a deposit before you arrive, that is standard procedure but now we need proof of ID and your credit card in person.

Guest: Well no one told me that when I booked.

Me: Did you mention that you did not have a driver’s license?

Guest: No, I do have a license. I just don’t have it now because I won’t be driving.

Me: Sir, I am not sure what to tell you. I can’t check you in without an ID.

Guest: Well thanks for ruining my vacation. I won’t stay here again.

(see what I mean, pure evil. I just destroyed this man’s dreams)

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Two women checked in. They had booked an Emerald room (btw those looking for secrets to where I work by looking at room types and things like that… I make that stuff up to hide my location… again, I am EVIL). I checked them into their room and gave them two keys. I made sure that they knew exactly which way to go to get to the elevator. I then hatched my plan. I flipped the entire hotel and casino so that the elevators were now on the opposite side of the building. Pure genius, ultimate EVIL. Now that they were completely confused and lost. They returned to the front desk. As they approached, I flipped the entire building back so I could give them the same directions. This time they found the room. Of course, I was not done yet. They came down almost immediately.

Guest: You gave me the wrong room. I booked an Emerald room.

Me: Ma’am, you are in an Emerald room.

Guest: No, you downgraded me. This is not what I saw online. This is not what I wanted and you need to fix it.

(so we have a book of room types at the front desk and I show the guest the picture)

Guest: That is wrong. That is not the room I booked. I booked this room (pointing to a different picture).

Me: (now I have to think fast because she is on to me. I spent the last hour, remaking our room type book just to screw her over. What do I do?) I am sorry ma’am but that is a Ruby room. We have them available but it will be a $20 upgrade per night.

Guest: Oh so that is the scam. You downgrade us and then charge us to get the room we booked. I am not going to fall for that. You are just going to get a bad review and we will never stay here again.

(they storm off)

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Well those are the major ones but I will quickly mention my other discretions.

• I made sure that an airline representative never showed up at the hotel with a guest’s lost luggage because it was supposed to be here at 7pm and it is now 9pm.
• I checked a guest into a room knowing that the room did not have toilet paper.
• I wouldn’t accept casino chips for payment of a resort fee.
• and finally, I refused to check in a guest because they had booked for another hotel. I know that they had a room booked somewhere in Vegas and I should have honored that but I made them leave and go to that hotel.

I am so sorry dear readers for my horrible and heinous behavior. I will try to do better in 2018… and Santa, I really don’t even deserve coal so just skip my house. I am not worthy.

 

If you disagree and still like me, please follow me on Twitter @VegasHC

The Newlywed Game

So if you are my age or have the Game Show Network you might be familiar with the show, The Newlywed Game. The concept was to give recently married couples a series of questions about each other. The more correct answers, the more points and if you had the most points you win the game and get a prize. This was usually a vacation package (if I remember correctly). Of course, it was filled with double entendre and couples hitting each other with answer boards when they got the answers wrong.

Recently I had two couples that checked in on their honeymoons.  I will leave it to you to decide who would have won the Newlywed Game had they been on it and who you think had the best chance to actually leave Las Vegas still married.

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Couple # 1 – Booked direct with the hotel, booked a mid level suite and parents came in the day before and paid for the room and security deposit. We have noted on the reservation that it is the couple’s honeymoon. Oh, they also booked 2 months in advance.

The Check -in:

A couple approaches the registration desk. They are dressed fairly casual. They are smiling and giggling at each other.

Me: Welcome to Vegas Hotel. Checking in?

Wife: Yes.

Me: Ok, I will need a credit card and your ID.  (they pass their ID) Oh, I see you are here on your honeymoon. Congratulations to you both. I have you booked into a junior suite and everything is paid for so we can get you right into your room. I am sure you have had a crazy day.

Wife: Oh it was so much fun. We got married by Elvis. We didn’t want anything fancy we just wanted to make the whole thing relaxed and have our friends with us. Tonight we are going to see LOVE! I have never been to Vegas and it is so exciting.

Husband: If I could ask, do you have any upgrades available? If not, it’s fine.

Me: Well I do have a suite with a Jacuzzi available but it would be a $40 upgrade each night.

Husband: What do you think, honey?

Wife: That would be so cool, as long as you think we can afford it.

Me: Give me a second to talk to my manager….  Ok, my manager told me to tell you congratulations and he will waive the upgrade fee for one of the nights so you can have both nights for $40.

Wife: Wow, that is so great. Thank you. We will take it.

Me: You are very welcome. Let me get our bellman to help you with your bags and you can start your honeymoon. If you need anything else, just let me know.

Husband: Thanks, man. I appreciate this.

Me: That’s what we do.

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Couple #2, booked a week ago through a third party. Booked a standard room. No notification of any special requests or celebration. They are dressed very well.

Husband:  Yeah so, we just got married. What do we get?

Me: Do you have a reservation, sir?

Husband: Yes. (drops his ID and credit card on the counter)

Wife: We got married at the Chapel of the Flowers and we had all these roses…

Husband: He doesn’t want to hear about the wedding, just shut it. I got this.

Me: (to wife) sounds very pretty and congratulations to you.

Husband: Yeah so what do we get, champagne, free meal, an upgrade right?

Me: Well, sir I would be happy to get you a room with a nice view but the only suites we have would be an upcharge.

Husband: Everyone gets something in Vegas. We just got married, dude. Don’t be an asshole.

Wife: Baby, he is just doing his job.

Husband: Did I say I was handling this? Now about the room?

Me: Sir, as I was saying. I would be happy to get you a suite but it will be $40 for a jr suite or $80 for a Jacuzzi suite.

Husband: Listen, I am going to gamble so much that everything is getting comped anyway.

Me: and you can discuss that with a host at the end of your stay but right now that is the cost. I can give you a high floor with a view complimentary of the hotel.

Wife: Baby, lets just pay for the junior. I would be happy with that. I am tired and just want any room.

Husband: No, this desk jockey ain’t hearing what I am saying.

Me: Sir, I do understand but I am telling you what is available tonight for your stay. Now, I also understand you have different expectations but we just can’t meet that tonight. Would you like to upgrade?

Husband: Manager. NOW!

(so the manager talks to the guy. He gets a $20 food credit just to shut him up and he doesn’t get the upgrade… I was going to screw him on the view but I felt bad for his wife.)

Me: Would you like help with your bags?

Husband: and give this place more of my money. Screw that. You already made us late for our dinner.

(he storms off with the keys, she is almost in tears. Oh, and she is dragging the big suitcase trying to catch up with him. I imagine that their dinner was probably at a Denny’s and he would be bitching at the waitress about the quality of his pancakes in the Grand Slam special.)

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Thanks for following my blog family. I appreciate you all. I still can’t believe the number of people that read this stuff.  Follow me on Twitter for my musings that aren’t big enough for a blog at @VegasHC

Superstitious feelings

Very superstitious, writings on the wall,
Very superstitious, ladders bout’ to fall,
Thirteen month old baby, broke the lookin’ glass
Seven years of bad luck, the good things in your past

When you believe in things that you don’t understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition ain’t the way

 

I thought we would leave the front desk for this blog and venture into the casino. The front desk may be a great window to people watch in Las Vegas but some of the real interesting stuff happens in the casino.

I spend most of my lunch/dinner break walking around in the casino or sitting on a bench people watching. I find human behavior fascinating and some times it is weird… and sometimes there isn’t just a single word to describe it.

• There is a guy that comes in every Thursday and plays the same machine every week. He plays $3 a spin and never sits at the machine, he dances and sings while playing it. He goes through his $100 bill and then curses and yells at the machine and storms off. I call him the Disco Inferno.

 

• Another semi-regular is an older man I refer to as Thor. He doesn’t have long blonde hair or big muscles but you can hear him hammer the buttons on the video poker machines from 30 feet away. He has actually put a few out of commission.

 

• We have a lady that comes in twice a month with a wad of cash. She plays blackjack. If she doubles her money she leaves or plays until she is broke. When she loses the casino usually comps her a few days, which is a good thing because she is gambling to pay for her utility bills. I have tried to explain to her that if she called the electric company and get on a payment plan they probably wouldn’t cut her power off. Of course, her response is that she would still owe half but this way she has a chance to pay the whole thing off. I guess the risk is worth the reward for her.

 

• I have seen ladies shaking things troll dolls, bells, family pictures at the machine, but until last week I had never seen a person praying and rubbing rosary beads. Maybe God wasn’t in the sportsbook that day.

 

• Then we have the people that eat at the machines. Eating buffalo wings while hitting those buttons and licking their fingers. I don’t even want to think of the science experiment that is happening in their mouth.

 

• Then we have the girl that kisses the screen on every big win. I have heard of a one armed bandit and the kissing bandit but never kissing the one armed bandit. Just yuck!

 

• One of the more annoying things is the player that ties up three machines. Purse on one chair, some other thing like a suitcase or take out bag on the other chair and they are in the middle with money in all three machines but only playing one at the time.

 

So what weird or interesting things have you seen or experienced? What superstitions do you have while gambling? I promise not to laugh… out loud.

Thanks for following the blog and my Twitter (@VegasHC). I was never a popular kid in school but you make this guy feel like a prom queen 🙂

 

3 Questions and a Little Story

 

So how about so about we finish off those questions.

Are rooms preselected or does the front desk clerk pick them?

Yes. 🙂  Rooms can be preselected by the software depending on the software. If they aren’t, they are usually preassigned by a supervisor. Then again, some places don’t do that at all and leave it to the clerk.

In my hotel, I have the ability to change room numbers at the time of check in and I can take preassigned rooms and give them to someone else. I do have limitations. Certain rooms can’t be moved if someone higher up tells me not to move them. That could be my boss or their boss or a casino host, etc. So, if a clerk tells you they can’t move rooms, they are not lying necessarily. If the hotel is full, there might not be much to do but if the hotel is half empty and you just want a different (not specific) floor? Well then, one of you is an asshole.

Do front desk clerks have a say on champagne or desserts in the room?

That usually falls under the casino host sending those things to the room through food and beverage. I can request those things but I really have no say. A supervisor or front desk manager probably has a little more stroke that a clerk. If I catch a note on the reservation about a birthday or anniversary before the guest checks in, I will usually mention it to someone to see what can be done. I always get approval because I really don’t want to have a bill for champagne handed to me on payday.

What are some of the best holiday events and sights in Las Vegas?

• The Ethel M Chocolate Factory in Henderson lights up their cactus garden. Very cool.
• There is ice skating at the Cosmopolitan. I no longer skate but it is very popular.
• The Nutcracker at the Smith Center for your theater needs.
• The Bellagio Conservatory is stuffed with wreaths, poinsettia and plenty of holiday cheer.
• There is Mt Charleston for skiing. Not really holiday related but hey it is snow.
• I haven’t been but the Magical Forest at Opportunity Village has a type of polar express, Christmas trees and, of course, Santa.
• The Bellagio Fountains have Christmas carols.
• Plenty of special Christmas concerts at various venues.

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I mentioned reasons for getting resort fees comped in the Q&A and it was just a few days ago that I had a guest that pushed and pushed to get rid of his resort fees more than anyone in a long time. He had a plan and he was sticking to it right from the start.

(guest approaches my station and we begin the check in process)

Guest: I was never told of the resort fees on the website.

(I hadn’t even mentioned resort fees so if he is mentioning them, he knows about them)

Me: Sir, they are a mandatory charge. I can’t remove them. They are mentioned at the bottom of your confirmation letter.

Guest: Well, I want a non-smoking room and if anyone has ever smoked in my room, I will know.

Me: Yes sir, I understand. I have you in a non-smoking room.

Guest: Good, because this is bullshit. You are all just money grabbing corporate stooges.

Me: Yes sir. (just keep agreeing with him and get him checked in. It isn’t worth it.) Here are your keys, sir.

(now I have indentified the guy that is going to be my next blog because I am going to hear from him all day long.)

… an hour later the phone rings

Guest: My room smells like shit.

Me: My apologies, sir. I will move you to another floor.

Guest: I don’t want to pack up. I want my resort fees waived.

Me; but you said your room smells of fecal matter?

Guest: Yes

Me: Well then you should be moved sir to get away from the smell. (hey, it doesn’t smell like smoke)

Guest: I will be right down.

(he never came down… and why did it take him 60 minutes to complain about his room being a sewer?)

… later that night

Guest: I have no hot water.

Me: My apologies, sir. I can have an engineer right up there and he can try and fix the issue or I can move you to a different room.

Guest: So you are not going to refund my resort fees?

Me: Sir, our policy is to move the guest to a different room just like I attempted to hours ago. Do you want me to send the engineer.

Guest: nevermind!!

(This guy is determined. He now apparently is staying in a sewer with no hot water. His list of complaints and refusal to move rooms, continued over the next 2 days including, a noise complaint from a vacant room, a slow elevator and a maid knocking on his door at 1pm.)

Now, in all fairness he did end up getting one day of resort fees waived by the manager when the maids did not clean his room, even though he had a do not disturb sign on his door. He, of course, wanted all 5 days removed from his bill.

The stupid thing is that if he hadn’t been so belligerent about the resort fees in the beginning we probably would have comped him a couple resort fees if he had complained about those things and actually moved rooms like these things actually really bothered him.

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Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Twitter: @VegasHC

No one listened to Noah either

You know that person that thinks they know more than you, even when you are either an expert on the subject or you just have more information on what is going on? I think we all have a person like that in our life. I have a had a few people like that in my life and it can get frustrating.

• I work with a person that thinks they can give restaurant advice but has told me how much he thinks the buffet at the Cannery is one of the best in town. Please don’t give restaurant advice!
• I had a friend that used to give me advice on raising kids. He had one daughter and he had his visitation rights taken away. Just no!
• There are also the plenty of times a fellow poker player would try to tell me that math has nothing to do with poker and the one time I was told that in all his research that poker was 10% skill and 90% luck… it is not.

Now I don’t know everything about running a hotel and I don’t know everything about the issues in the hotel I work in but I bet I know more than the guests I check in. Here are a couple of examples from last few weeks.

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When I call a guest and tell them there is a situation and we need to move them to a different room, you would think they might listen to me.

When I tell them there is a busted pipe in the room above them you would think that giving them that information would make them listen more.

Their response was, “We just got back from a long day and we are not about to pack up everything because of something in another room, please do not disturb us again”.

They called 30 minutes later when their bathroom flooded. They moved and complained about how some of their stuff was ruined.

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The guest that asked how long before their flight should they get a taxi to the airport.

I always tell them to leave no later than 2 hours before their flight. They, of course, because they travel all the time, arrived less than an hour before their flight and missed their flight because there was way too many people going through security on Sunday night. Then they wanted me to comp them a room for their inconvenience.

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Then there are the multitude of guests that expect that you will know more than you can possibly know. I mean, I know I am good at my job but I am not omnipotent.

Guest: Can I get a quiet room?

Me: I can put you on a higher floor, sir.

Guest: but are the people in the rooms around me, quiet?

Me: Yes sir, they are a group of monks that have taken a vow of silence.

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Guest: I am leaving early tomorrow for the airport. Can you tell me the best route to avoid any accidents?

Me: Yes ma’am, I am having a vision that there will be a 3 car accident at 15 and Flamingo and as well as a stalled tractor-trailer on Sahara. Also, the power ball number is 14 and you will meet a tall stranger at the TSA checkpoint.

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Guest: I am moving from here to another hotel tonight. Do you think they will waive the resort fee?

Me: Absolutely. In fact, if they don’t tell them that I said they should because you have been a wonderful guest and it is just good karma.

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Thanks again for reading.

I think it is time for another Q&A, so send your questions to me and I will put something up next week.

 

Twitter: @VegasHC

 

 

 

A little of this and a little of that

Hello my blog family. I hope you are all well and enjoying the changing seasons, unless you live in a place like Las Vegas where the seasons don’t really change, the temperature just goes from “Is this Hell?” to “This isn’t so bad”.

Today’s blog doesn’t focus on just one guest but it is part questions I get at the front desk as well as some word definitions that seem to escape a lot of my guests. Of course, I know you all would never confuse these words or ask these questions… at least I hope you wouldn’t and if you would, well… now you won’t 🙂

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Request vs. Guarantee:  A guarantee is a certainty… at least 99.9% of the time in the hotel business. A request is something that we will do our best to accommodate. When you book a room and give us a form of payment, I will Guarantee you a room. If you Request a strip view or a high floor, I will do my best to accommodate you.

So many people come into the hotel and say “but I requested a high floor?” Yes, you did. I don’t have that available or maybe I have the 14th floor but not the 23rd floor. Guess what the 14th floor is a high floor. Either way, you have the room that was guaranteed.

Mandatory: This is pretty straight forward. It is a must, a definite, a most certain, an absolute. It is mandatory that you do certain things to check in. Sign a registration card, provide an ID, provide a credit/debit card and in certain hotels, pay a resort fee, leave a security deposit and/or pay for parking. If I tell you that these things are Mandatory… they are Mandatory. Maybe they were comped last time, maybe they will be this time but at the time of check in, unless I have been told otherwise, it is what it is. Please don’t argue with me. I did not come here for an argument, if I want an argument I will pay John Cleese for one. BTW if you don’t get that reference, shame on you.

The Security Deposit/Hold: Most places tell the guest that the security deposit will be returned somewhere between 3-10 business days. some 3-5 days. That means exactly what it means. Do not call the hotel the day after you check out looking for your deposit. Don’t call on Sunday when you checked out on Friday. It isn’t happening. Oh, and we are not holding your deposit for 10 days collecting interest on your money and purposely keeping it from you. We send it back to your financial institution the day you check out. They have to process the transaction. That is the delay.

I already paid the security deposit and resort fee when I booked the room… No, you didn’t. Whether you booked it through a 3rd party or the hotel. When you make a reservation you are paying to guarantee you will have a room. That is it. When you arrive at the hotel you pay the resort fee because you will be using the resort and you pay the security deposit because you will be using the room.  Every day I get people wasting time showing me online bank accounts with withdrawals from 3rd party sites showing me what they paid. One, that isn’t proof of what fees you paid because we don’t even know most of the time what they charged you for the room. Two, if for some reason, and I have never seen it, they did charge you the resort fee, I still need to collect it because they aren’t allowed to collect it. Go after them for overcharging you.

Ok, now for the lighter stuff…

When I stayed at the Bellagio, Wynn, Cosmo, etc. I was allowed to do this or I had this in my room… That is so interesting. You know when I lived in my last house, I had a huge backyard and it was a two story house. The place I live now doesn’t have those. If a huge backyard was a very important thing to me I would be in that house or a place that had a big backyard. If you want what you had at Bellagio, stay at the Bellagio. As a side note, wouldn’t Vegas be boring if every hotel was the Bellagio. I mean, I love the fountains and the conservatory but variety is the spice of life.

I stayed here a few months ago on a Tuesday, why is the rate 3x higher tonight? Well, there are a few possible reasons for that. It could be that it is Saturday night. It could be that there is a major convention going on and when available rooms are limited we raise our rates. It could be that we have it in for you, we really don’t like you but we know you pay anything just to stay here, btw your rate just doubled again. We are going to need you to sign your over to us.

The wholesale company told me different than what you are saying. They lied, they all lie, trust in me, I am the only one who will ever tell you the truth. I mean, they even told you that this hotel was in Las Vegas. You are actually in Des Moines, Iowa.

Is the parking garage safe? Can I trust the valets to not damage my car? I can honestly say that my car has never been damaged or broken into while in the garage and none of the valets have ever done anything wrong to my car. If you would like extra special care taken, you have two options. One, sleep in your car. Two, for $20/hr I will personally sit in your car and make sure nothing happens. Throw in a tip and I will get it washed for you.

I don’t like smoke. Is there a place that is non-smoking? Absolutely, if you go through those doors you will be outside. Have fun. If you don’t want to go outside, you do have the option of staying in your room. Welcome to Las Vegas.

I don’t like crowds. Is there a place where I can avoid them? Two options that are easily available. Your room, unless you are staying with 10 people or driving out to the desert. Less people, more snakes.  Welcome to Las Vegas.

What machines pay off the most? This I actually a question where I can give a real answer. I have spent decades researching all the machines in almost every casino in Vegas. Now don’t spread this around to everyone. This is just for the VegasHC family. This machine is in every casino and it has paid out every time I play it. It’s not much on graphics though. It is called an ATM. Thank me later.

Any upgrades, sexy? Ok, so… thank you for the thinly veiled compliment. A few things might make this more effective. You are 22 and I am, well not 22 and I can pretty much see through this. It also doesn’t work too well when I see your boyfriend 10 feet away glaring at you. Also, I am wearing a wedding ring and I am pretty sure you aren’t my wife so just stop. If my wife is reading this, you get all the free upgrades you want and yes, I know you think I am one sexy… shut your mouth.

I’m bored, any suggestions? I have actually never answered that question. I have answered their follow up question.

Why did you slap me? Because I just had to see if you were, in fact, actually alive. Now that I know you are, turn around walk away from the desk and literally do anything but talk to me. Have a nice day!!!

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Thanks for reading, everyone. I am sorry there haven’t been more posts but my guests have for some reason… been rather normal over the last few weeks. I know, I am scared too. I am starting to have faith in humanity again.

Twitter: VegasHC

 

 

 

 

I’m with the band

I’ve talked a lot about the check in process and how simple it can be and how difficult it can be… if you don’t make it simple.

• Make the reservation in the name of the person checking in.
• Add anyone else’s name to the reservation if they are staying in the room.
• Have your identification and method of payment with you when you check in.

Seriously, that is it. The only other reason we have problems at check in is they don’t read their confirmation about deposits or resort fees. That covers about 98% of it yet, 1 in 15-20 check ins have a problem.

The other 2%? Add an enormous ego to the above.

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I do my best to try to not judge people but people with overblown egos tend to get on my nerves. Now there is a difference between confidence and ego. It can be subtle but it is there. The difference is knowledge and wisdom. Back up your ego and it is confidence. Spew crap and it is ego. The person with the big ego also tends to feel that the rules don’t apply to them. Enter Ricky Rocker, band manager and incoming guest.

 

RR: I have three rooms, I need to get my people in those rooms now.

Me: Ok sir, I will need your ID and credit card.

RR: (hands me the two cards)

ME: Ok, I have one reservation under your name. Who are the other rooms under?

RR: That would be the guitarist Rick Fender and the drummer Bill Highhat.

Me: I will need them to come up to the desk with their ID so I can check them in after I check you in.

RR: Yeah, that is impossible, they aren’t here. They will be here in 2 hours.

Me: I won’t be able to check them in until then, unless you call the wholesaler and have them change the names on the reservations.

RR: Yeah, that isn’t going to happen. See, I am the manager, I made the reservations. I am checking into the rooms.

Me: Our policy is that you have to be the person checking into the room with valid ID and credit card.

RR: Listen, this isn’t my first rodeo here. I have been to 40 hotels and they always let me do this. You don’t want to do this, dude. This is going to ruin you. We are important in this town and we need sleep to have a gig tomorrow in Cali.

(ok, side note, this is a Saturday night. It is 10pm, two of the 4 band members are here with the band manager. The other two are driving from somewhere. So, if you are a big thing in the town, my town, why didn’t you have a show on a Saturday night and why is your show in California on Sunday night. You know what bands play on Sunday and not Saturday… bands that aren’t big.)

Me: Sir, the only thing that is going to “ruin me” is not following hotel policy and checking you into three rooms and only one of them is in your name. As I said, if you call the wholesaler and have…

RR: You’re pretty new at this, right? You are not listening to me. Check me into the rooms.

Me: Sir, I can’t ch…

RR: Oh you can, you just won’t because you think you are some big shit right now. What you don’t like how we are dressed or is the music too loud for you?

Me: I don’t even know who your band is or what type of music it is? These are the rules.

RR: We have to be on the road in 5 hours. Just get this done.

Me: Ok, fine. I will break policy and risk getting fired and check you into the two rooms that are not in your name.

RR: Finally!

Me: but I can’t check you into your room that is in your name.

RR: What do you mean? It’s in my name!

Me: Yeah, you see there is a problem with that. An hour ago, a guy came up to the front desk and said he had booked a room in your name and didn’t have your ID or a credit card in your name but he harassed me for 10 minutes and just like now I gave in and gave him your room even though just like you, he had no proof to the room.

RR: Oh, you are some smart ass.

Me: That is the first thing we agree on, sir. So do you want to call the wholesaler and change the reservations or just check into your room.

RR: Let me speak to your manager.

Me: Sure, she is the lady that has been standing next to us for the last 10 minutes.

Mgr: Sir, my employee is correct in stating our policy. .Would you like to check in to that room now?

RR: This sucks, man. Never staying here again.

Me: and that is your prerogative, sir.

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You can’t handle the truth…

I think that one of the basic human flaws is not being able to admit when you are wrong. So many arguments that go on and on because no one can admit fault.  I’m not sure if it is out of embarrassment or pride or being too stubborn. I think for a recent guest is was probably all those reasons and maybe some mommy issues as well.

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Guy with his 2 buddies are walking up to the desk with beers in hand and testosterone dripping down their legs.

Guest: I just made a reservation for tonight on wholesale.com.  The name is Jim Jagoff.

Me: Sir, I see the reservation but it appears to be made for the 24th.

JJ: No, I made it for today.

Me: Sir, here is the printout for your reservation you made. It’s for next week. You can call wholesale.com and see if they can change the date to today.

JJ: Oh, I didn’t make the mistake, they made the mistake, they changed the date after I made it.

Me: Did you make it online or call the reservation in.

JJ: on their website but they changed it.

(now after standing in front of this guy for 2 minutes I can see how someone might want to screw him over but no one changed any dates but here he is calling them on his phone. He is now pacing around the lobby and cursing at a Spinal Tap 11 volume. He is now on his way back to me even though I am with another guest.)

JJ: They are playing stupid about changing the date but they are not going to do this to me.

Me: Yes sir, but could you please watch the language around the other guests.

JJ: Whatever, just do your job and I’ll take care of this.

(I was trying to do my job but I keep getting interrupted by an asshole. Mr. Funtime Happyhour is back and apparently his reservation is now fixed.)

Note: the following conversation was about a 10th of the tirade he laid on me and less racially offensive. I spent a long time thinking about whether to use all the language he did but I just can’t. Me, using the words here wouldn’t make him more of an asshole and I don’t think makes this post any more valuable.

JJ: They said they fixed it but I had to pay more money for tonight. Can you believe that. Those gutless pussies are making me pay for this shit. Well, I am going to have the last word. Typical call center bullshit. They don’t even live in this country and they think they know how it works here. Get this, he said his names was Brian, more like Brianhisnaruto. All those… (ok now picture me cringing as he attempts to describe his take on the Indian people… and 2 minutes later.)

Me: Ok sir, I just need to get a credit card to charge the resort fee and security deposit.

JJ: They didn’t tell me anything about that, let me call them back.

Me: Sir, just let me finish the check in and you can call them back after that. You can’t get your room without paying those fees, no matter what they say.

JJ: Piece of shit, bitch face crooks. How do any of you stay in business?

(well because everyone pays those fees and most people actually read what they are signing or paying for but hey, we can’t all be this guy.)

Me: I’m not sure, sir. I just do as am I told. I am essentially just a talking puppet who lives to serve you in hopes that I will get a nod of acceptance and that you will not put a curse on me.

(ok, so maybe I just thought most of that).

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Well, the three of them went off to their room to probably compare their “luggage” and long distance pissing contests. Oh, and because I know it is on your mind, yes I did give them a room right above the air conditioning unit, next to the elevator. No comment on if they got an unscheduled wake up call.

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Life is Beautiful weekend is coming up. Let’s remember that Life is actually Beautiful and also precious. Be safe if you are coming to the festival. Don’t leave drinks unattended, stay in groups and remember that sometimes what happens in Vegas sometimes leads to a lifetime of bad memories and therapy. It could also end up worse. This great city has a penchant for inviting the dregs or society to it’s front door. Please don’t be a victim.

 

Twitter: @VegasHC