A little of this and a little of that

Hello my blog family. I hope you are all well and enjoying the changing seasons, unless you live in a place like Las Vegas where the seasons don’t really change, the temperature just goes from “Is this Hell?” to “This isn’t so bad”.

Today’s blog doesn’t focus on just one guest but it is part questions I get at the front desk as well as some word definitions that seem to escape a lot of my guests. Of course, I know you all would never confuse these words or ask these questions… at least I hope you wouldn’t and if you would, well… now you won’t 🙂


 

Request vs. Guarantee:  A guarantee is a certainty… at least 99.9% of the time in the hotel business. A request is something that we will do our best to accommodate. When you book a room and give us a form of payment, I will Guarantee you a room. If you Request a strip view or a high floor, I will do my best to accommodate you.

So many people come into the hotel and say “but I requested a high floor?” Yes, you did. I don’t have that available or maybe I have the 14th floor but not the 23rd floor. Guess what the 14th floor is a high floor. Either way, you have the room that was guaranteed.

Mandatory: This is pretty straight forward. It is a must, a definite, a most certain, an absolute. It is mandatory that you do certain things to check in. Sign a registration card, provide an ID, provide a credit/debit card and in certain hotels, pay a resort fee, leave a security deposit and/or pay for parking. If I tell you that these things are Mandatory… they are Mandatory. Maybe they were comped last time, maybe they will be this time but at the time of check in, unless I have been told otherwise, it is what it is. Please don’t argue with me. I did not come here for an argument, if I want an argument I will pay John Cleese for one. BTW if you don’t get that reference, shame on you.

The Security Deposit/Hold: Most places tell the guest that the security deposit will be returned somewhere between 3-10 business days. some 3-5 days. That means exactly what it means. Do not call the hotel the day after you check out looking for your deposit. Don’t call on Sunday when you checked out on Friday. It isn’t happening. Oh, and we are not holding your deposit for 10 days collecting interest on your money and purposely keeping it from you. We send it back to your financial institution the day you check out. They have to process the transaction. That is the delay.

I already paid the security deposit and resort fee when I booked the room… No, you didn’t. Whether you booked it through a 3rd party or the hotel. When you make a reservation you are paying to guarantee you will have a room. That is it. When you arrive at the hotel you pay the resort fee because you will be using the resort and you pay the security deposit because you will be using the room.  Every day I get people wasting time showing me online bank accounts with withdrawals from 3rd party sites showing me what they paid. One, that isn’t proof of what fees you paid because we don’t even know most of the time what they charged you for the room. Two, if for some reason, and I have never seen it, they did charge you the resort fee, I still need to collect it because they aren’t allowed to collect it. Go after them for overcharging you.

Ok, now for the lighter stuff…

When I stayed at the Bellagio, Wynn, Cosmo, etc. I was allowed to do this or I had this in my room… That is so interesting. You know when I lived in my last house, I had a huge backyard and it was a two story house. The place I live now doesn’t have those. If a huge backyard was a very important thing to me I would be in that house or a place that had a big backyard. If you want what you had at Bellagio, stay at the Bellagio. As a side note, wouldn’t Vegas be boring if every hotel was the Bellagio. I mean, I love the fountains and the conservatory but variety is the spice of life.

I stayed here a few months ago on a Tuesday, why is the rate 3x higher tonight? Well, there are a few possible reasons for that. It could be that it is Saturday night. It could be that there is a major convention going on and when available rooms are limited we raise our rates. It could be that we have it in for you, we really don’t like you but we know you pay anything just to stay here, btw your rate just doubled again. We are going to need you to sign your over to us.

The wholesale company told me different than what you are saying. They lied, they all lie, trust in me, I am the only one who will ever tell you the truth. I mean, they even told you that this hotel was in Las Vegas. You are actually in Des Moines, Iowa.

Is the parking garage safe? Can I trust the valets to not damage my car? I can honestly say that my car has never been damaged or broken into while in the garage and none of the valets have ever done anything wrong to my car. If you would like extra special care taken, you have two options. One, sleep in your car. Two, for $20/hr I will personally sit in your car and make sure nothing happens. Throw in a tip and I will get it washed for you.

I don’t like smoke. Is there a place that is non-smoking? Absolutely, if you go through those doors you will be outside. Have fun. If you don’t want to go outside, you do have the option of staying in your room. Welcome to Las Vegas.

I don’t like crowds. Is there a place where I can avoid them? Two options that are easily available. Your room, unless you are staying with 10 people or driving out to the desert. Less people, more snakes.  Welcome to Las Vegas.

What machines pay off the most? This I actually a question where I can give a real answer. I have spent decades researching all the machines in almost every casino in Vegas. Now don’t spread this around to everyone. This is just for the VegasHC family. This machine is in every casino and it has paid out every time I play it. It’s not much on graphics though. It is called an ATM. Thank me later.

Any upgrades, sexy? Ok, so… thank you for the thinly veiled compliment. A few things might make this more effective. You are 22 and I am, well not 22 and I can pretty much see through this. It also doesn’t work too well when I see your boyfriend 10 feet away glaring at you. Also, I am wearing a wedding ring and I am pretty sure you aren’t my wife so just stop. If my wife is reading this, you get all the free upgrades you want and yes, I know you think I am one sexy… shut your mouth.

I’m bored, any suggestions? I have actually never answered that question. I have answered their follow up question.

Why did you slap me? Because I just had to see if you were, in fact, actually alive. Now that I know you are, turn around walk away from the desk and literally do anything but talk to me. Have a nice day!!!


 

Thanks for reading, everyone. I am sorry there haven’t been more posts but my guests have for some reason… been rather normal over the last few weeks. I know, I am scared too. I am starting to have faith in humanity again.

Twitter: VegasHC